Caffeine II: Veni, vidi, vici... venti?

Lately, Starbucks' exponential race toward world coffee domination has reached the point of satire. It was driven early on by roasts dark as sin, giant manual Gaggia espresso pumps, shops staged in earthy siennas, browns and oranges, and attitude heavy baristas. All lent whiffs of fashion forward luxury and edginess. Lately, as company stock dividends have plateaued, these have been augmented with in-house music production and distribution, and an array of rather costly stainless coffee toys.

The jury remains out on whether Starbucks' putative 'culture' may have diversified to the point of dilution. Although the charming-looking little gray-haired lady who reads newspapers all the time and the tattooed guy with pink hair and skintight low-rise jeans remain dedicated habitués of the Elgin Street store (pictured above), they cannot themselves comprise a culture.

The retro mermaid woodcut logo adds a siren call to a coffee demographic more upscale than Tim Horton's lowbrow target. It lends the company image weight, and a soupçon of the history it does not actually possess. It has also been carefully (and not altogether successfully) bowdlerized and Disneyfied over the years, de-emphasizing its racier aspects. She's a siren! Selling small sins! Why neuter her?












For the record, Tim Horton's kitschy mid-20th-century badging style is fully appropriate to a company that opened its first outlet in 1964 - seven years before Starbuck became anything beyond first mate on the Pequod.

Starbucks trademark dark roast borders on smokey and burnt. Appropriate to an oily espresso or French brew, it has not made a fan of every palate, especially those acclimated to venerable supermarket can coffees like Maxwell House, Edwards and Nabob.

Yet the heart of that dark roast, like the mermaid, hints at more exotic mythical depth than an ex-hockey player's retirement plan. At least if you're not Canadian. Tim's still claims to be bigger here. Its prosaic ethos packs gladly into a lunch bucket thermos, but Starbucks sells a mystical experience supposed to be worth paying for and waiting for, rather than quickly-slung cups of joe and deep-fried sugar pastries. Naturally, one pays extra for coffee positioned as an acceptable indulgence, with just enough of an air of lingering sin to make it enticing. The aroma is equal parts over-roasted coffee and imagined brimstone.

Minimum-wage baristas these days are not overly knowledgeable about the coffees they purvey. Nor can many any longer draw a proper espresso unassisted. The corporation opted some time ago to automate its espresso machines in the name of chain-wide drink uniformity. Although... Starbucks' chairman and returning CEO, Howard Schultz, has belatedly realized that quasi-artisanal coffee craft may also have had something to do with the chain's growth. It's a bitch trying to appear exclusive and emulate McDonalds at the same time...